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Useless as Teats on a Boar Hog

In Southern and Appalachian speech, useless as teats on a boar hog means something is completely useless or worthless - good for nothing at all.

#SouthernSayings   #Appalachia   #Animals   #Southern   #FarmTalk   #ScoldingandTeasing

synonyms: worthless, good for nothing, pointless, of no use
Hillbilly Dude Says...
You'll hear 'useless as teats on a boar hog' often out in the country. 

Pronunciation

[YOU-sluss az TEETS on uh BOAR HAWG] /ˈjuːsləs æz tiːts ɒn ə bɔːr hɔːɡ/

Meaning & Usage

- Completely useless (saying/adjective phrase)

Pearl:
This old wrench won’t turn nothin’.
Eddie:
Yep - useless as teats on a boar hog.
variations: useless as teats on a boar hog, teats on a boar hog, useless as teats on a boar
★ If something’s "useless as teats on a boar hog," it’s not just a little unhelpful - it’s downright pointless. This saying carries real farm cred. ★

Origin

Rooted in rural farm life: boar hogs have teats but no use for them, making them the perfect image of utter uselessness. Documented widely across the South and Appalachia since the early 20th century and still used as colorful hyperbole.

Notes

  • Useless as teats on a boar hog - classic rural comparison for something completely worthless.
  • Reflects Southern and Appalachian humor drawn from everyday farm knowledge.
  • Commonly applied to broken tools, ineffective plans, or lazy workers ("He’s useless as teats on a boar hog.")
  • One of many livestock-based sayings conveying futility ("like putting lipstick on a pig," "like herding cats").
  • Still recognized today, though younger speakers may simply say "useless" without the farm reference.

Kin Topics

Kin Words, Stories and More

Common Questions

Does this literally refer to a boar hog’s teats?
Yes - boar hogs have teats but don’t use them, making it a vivid metaphor for uselessness.
Where did this saying originate?
From everyday farm life in the South and Appalachia, where hogs were common and everyone knew the anatomy.
Is it still used today?
Yes - mostly among older or rural speakers, but widely understood as a colorful Southernism.
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